The Prodigal Child - Just Lettin' It Go #2

Rebellion, Recklessness, Realization, Repentance, Restoration
Mail The Prodigal Child
The Prodigal Child's Home

Here sits a body that looks very, very tired. Here sits me. My eyes, where they should be white, are red. My hair is probably tousled, but I can't be sure because I my eyes burn and I can't focus them to see my reflection in the monitor. My clothing is rumpled and covered in cat hair. I have the five o'clock shadow of a man to whom it has been five o'clock for days. I have lost my ability to type to my lack of sleep, leading to stupid typos I should not be having to correct. Periodically I will stop functioning in favor of staring off blankly into nothing, drifting into and out of my present surroundings.

Here sits a body that very likely has something wrong with it, but without the time, the motivation, or the desire to do anything about it. I suppose that perhaps it is indicative of something wrong that I don't feel like fixing what's wrong, but there is a certain allure to enduring it now that I've grown used to feeling badly as opposed to working to fix it. Yes, I'm too lazy for my own good. I acknowledge that. But as I've said, I've grown used to feeling this badly, so I have to ask myself would it be worth it to work at getting better, and if so, why?

Here sits, for now, a body sick and tired.

I'm sick and tired of lots of things. I'm not technically physically tired in the sense of exhaustion, really. It's just that my eyes have that strange tingling that means it's time for bed, only they have it all the time. My body won't comply with my mind, which really is not a good thing because my mind itself is about three minutes behind everything around me. I'm very mentally tired, and despite the physical sickness I suspect, I'm sure there's a good amount of mental sickness feeding to/on me as well. I don't know if it's right to hate people the way I do, and I think that's a big part of the problem that brings me down whenever I think of anything.

I hate people, I really do. Individuals are fine by me, but not everybody, and nobody all the time. It's groups of people I have a problem with. Any population numbering greater than maybe 6, according to my experience thus far in life, is a bad thing. Once they get together in groups, people simply start exhibiting traits of being "only human" and so I'm forced to hate them.

People are mind-numbingly stupid. People want to be told what to think, what to do, how to act, what to say, and how to say it. People can't grasp common concepts. People can't apply to any number of items the principles they apply to individuals Love thy neighbor is all fine and good until thy neighbor means the country next door that has oil. People are merciless. People are close minded. People say it's alright to be yourself, and to feel, but only on your own time. You're part of the machine as long as they're concerned, and machines have no problems until they're not useful anymore. There are countless problems with people in groups, all of which I'm sure are bemoaned in a million other places.

It's a mite depressing to think that I have to be associated by species with the cretins that I dislike so much. It's even more depressing that when I think of the flaws inherent in humanity, I am forced to acknowledge for the sake of truth (and to minimalize hypocrisy) that I contain all of those flaws as an individual part of the group. Not to say that I hate the problems I see in the species but not their manifestations in myself and others. I hate them just as much, and so I hate individuals who obviously exhibit them as well as myself in terms of them.

I have no idea where I'm going with this, I just felt a need to get some things out because if I didn't I would have likely gone ballistic. I apologize for the series of pathetic "Just Lettin' It Out" files, but there's nowhere else I can think to put them when they come.